I hate Katana #1

            Yeah, I don’t know what this is supposed to be, and I don’t know who it’s supposed to appeal to. The character’s been around for thirty years. Does she have a lot of fans? Birds of Prey fans? Is this another Twilight/Bieber moment? Will women and Japanese-Americans find that Katana really speaks to them, with its weaponized jewelry and the street in modern-day San Francisco where everything is like feudal Japan?

            Like I said, Katana is a character who’s been around since the early ‘80s, so named—you guessed it—because she carries a magic katana called the “Soultaker”, so named—you guessed it—because it was forged by a swordsmith named Murray Soultaker. Wait, no, I'm being told it’s because it "takes" people’s "souls" when it kills them. I’m not terribly familiar with her, to be honest, because she’s not a particularly prolific character. Until recently, her highest profile appearances have been as a member of the Outsiders, Batman’s “team of loners,” and otherwise, as far as I’ve noticed, DC mostly tends to bring her around when they’re being accused of publishing an entire line of comics made by and featuring nothing but white guys. *cough* LIKE RECENTLY *cough* *cough* Of course, she also took Robin’s place on the animated show, Beware the Batman, so maybe that was a motivating factor, although if that’s the case, a) the character in the comic looks nothing like her (much better designed) animated counterpart, and b) if kids crossing over from the cartoon are your target demo, maybe a bit less slavery and rapey sex dreams in a pool of blood?

Hey, kids!

            That’s just a suggestion.

            The book opens in media res, with Katana losing a fight to Coil, who—you guessed it—briefly replaced Bo Duke on The Dukes of Hazard while John Schneider was renegotiating his contract. But also his sword is long and flexible—like a cross between a sword and a whip, I guess? Anyway, he binds her up in his “spiral sword” so he can give her a lecture about his men's rights activism. “Women,” he says, “belong in the kitchen.”

            I’m paraphrasing, but that’s the implication.

            Then we cut back to “A few days ago…” and Tatsu Toro, Katana’s civilian identity, going through San Francisco Customs. “Traveling for business or pleasure?” asks the Customs guy.

            “What’s the difference?” she says, in a manner totally at odds with her behavior and tone throughout most of the rest of the book.

Just sit back for a moment and revel in the incredible kineticism.

            Tatsu makes a beeline for Japantown and the aforementioned street where everyone dresses and acts and builds buildings like they’re in old-timey Japan. A drunk old man throws something at her, but she catches it and spikes it in his face. A woman rents her a room, and for an extra fee, agrees to let her use the secret space in the basement. Everyone speaks in pseudo-philosophical quips that are, I suppose, meant to make everything seem more weighty and mystical?

            Tatsu sets up in the basement, where she tries, and fails, to fight thirty-three table-legs, after which we get another of those silly, out of character remarks: “As the kids say: Epic fail,” as she is literally on her knees, cradling Soultaker and begging her dead husband for forgiveness.

Oh, Katana. You don't know the half of it.

            Then it’s time for the blood-drenched sex dream and then another page of creepy, oddly sexualized sword-cradling and forgiveness-begging. She spends two full pages getting dressed, making note of how each, individual piece of jewelry is lethal, and goes out to visit a tattooed, untouchable teenager who seems to be a slave. I mean, she isn’t specifically referred to as a slave, but she begs Tatsu to help her get away and her aunt (or, you know, owner) says she “isn’t for sale.” But Tatsu isn’t getting caught up in any of this slave business, she just wants to see the girl’s tattoo of Soultaker. Then, exactly one panel after the slave girl begs for her freedom, Tatsu goes for a stroll in the park.

Look at how sharp those hair-sticks are! Be careful, Katana!

            Where she is attacked! By the Sword Clan! She narrates how each individual piece of jewelry is taking down an opponent—which is helpful because not a single thing that’s happening is clear in the art—and is then restrained by Coil, which takes us back to the beginning. It turns out that she doesn’t even have to do anything to get free. His sword just breaks to pieces around her, because hers is better. Despite the fact that on our first viewing of this exchange Coil’s primary motivation seemed to be misogyny, this time he’s like, “Soultaker is dangerous! You have to join the Sword Clan so we can train you to control it!”

            Oh, and that’s a legitimate concern, because the sword is totally controlling her in the last few panels of their fight. But Katana says, “Never! I am a clan of one!”

            Blah blah, more pseudo-philosophical nonsense, and then:

What a cliffhanger!

            Katana was probably never going to be a best-seller, or even necessarily last more than twelve issues, but it was one of very few books published by DC with a non-white, non-male lead, and that made it significant, whether they wanted it to be or not. And this? The writing is all stilted dialogue and tired stereotypes. The art is super-stiff, way over-reliant on photo-reference, and much more importantly, always incredibly unclear.

            This is terrible. And it’s a shame.